So are you enjoying motherhood?

… This is a question several people have asked me ever since my little Dewdrop made her grand entrance into this world two months ago. My answer to this question has always been: “It’s hard, but now I’m getting used to it.” It’s an honest answer, and yet I’d feel guilty every time I uttered those words. After all, motherhood is the holy grail of being a woman. Even if there’s enough information out there about how motherhood isn’t always as rosy as a baby’s cheeks, women who become mothers are expected to enjoy it as soon as their bundle of joy pops out. If not, they are bad mothers. At least, that’s what a voice inside my head would denounce.

However, if I tuned out the guilt and analyzed that dreaded question for what it was, I’d realize it’s unfair to pose this question to a new mother. After all, what’s enjoyable about sleep interrupted by the piercing cry of a newborn? How can anyone enjoy cracked nipples and sundry breastfeeding pains or analyzing why one’s precious bundle of joy is screaming her lungs out?

Nature doesn’t make it easy for new mothers either. All the feel-good hormones of pregnancy are flushed out once the baby is born. So, if women claim to feel high in the days after childbirth, they’ve probably been brainwashed or are in denial.

Let’s not kid ourselves (pun unintended 🙂 ). Women don’t become mothers for enjoyment. So, why do they do it? I’ll speak for myself here. Raising another human being is the greatest opportunity for personal growth. It’s about raising my game as a person. I have to put another’s needs above my own. I have to take care of myself so that I can take care of this tiny person who’s relying on me to survive. And I have to ensure this helpless being not only survives but thrives in a world that will surely make life difficult for her. It’s the toughest job I’ll ever have.

Indeed, this sense of responsibility can often be overwhelming. However, I know this anxiety will eventually make the experience worthwhile for enduring inconveniences are what facilitate moments of unparalleled joy: the faint smile of my baby when she sleeps, the way she gently yawns, stretches her tiny arms, and arches her baby back after a nap, the mesmerizing sound of her cooing, the layer of fat cushioning the dewy skin of what was until recently a wrinkly newborn–these are the fruits of my round-the-clock feeding schedule. The trick is to focus on these moments of joy.

I have to agree with what one of my friends told me: “I have met so many women who talk about the scary stuff of motherhood … My only tip is to enjoy each and every second of this phase as it will never come back again.” It’s the best piece of advice I’ve ever received. I know that I’ll miss this newborn phase of my Dewdrop when she learns to stand on her two feet. Later, when she’s out in the world, ready to lead her own life, I’ll only have photographs and videos to remember the time when she was a swaddled piece of my heart.

So as I settle into motherhood and begin to take pleasure in my Dewdrop’s every cry, coo, kick, and smile, I realize that enjoying motherhood is a process. It’s unfair to expect new mothers to instantly enjoy this phase. After all, there is a learning curve involved in being a mother, and nothing worth learning is ever easy.

So, the next time you congratulate a new mother, don’t ask her if she’s enjoying motherhood already. If she were looking for instant enjoyment, she would have checked into a spa, not the labor ward 🙂